Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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