I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
