I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize