I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
