Kiss
Puke
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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