The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
