Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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