There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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