do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize