Swine flu. Run for my life!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ketchup is God's man juice
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
