My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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