i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dick very happy bro
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
