her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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