What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
