pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
