Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
