I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
