i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
