HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
