dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
