Just fell off a train. Bad.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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