We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
