The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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