Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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