i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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