worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
