I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
