Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
