Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
