I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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