Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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