This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am mentally ready for anal.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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