nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
