So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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