her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
