And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
