frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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