I CAN MOONWALK!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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