if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
