I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
