My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm passing your future prison.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
