just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
