no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
