I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
