I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
