I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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