So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
