I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
