remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
