Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
