In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
