the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
