I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
