I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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