my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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