Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
