Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
