She went from zero to smokin in five shots
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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