i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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