I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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