Can Purell be used as lube?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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