Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
