I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
