If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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