I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
