It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
