you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
