wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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